Dirty Forks in Oreo Instant Desserts: A Tale of Inauthentic Motivations, Self-Motivation, or Just Trolling?

My mother, noticeably weary yet fixing our family dinner, told me not to stick the dirty fork into the smooth creamy filling that soon be a delicious chilled Oreo pie dish.

I didn’t listen.

As I grew older, I saw much of the world is built upon heeding simple instructions and defying things for who knows what.  I experience it regularly, episode after episode, perhaps in karmic justice from not heeding her word. The world can be constant trial of dealing with people who make thoughtless choices to defy, ignore, test, or troll others in a bid for meaningless or petty things.

Looking back to the fork incident, I recall it must have been around the late ‘90s or early 2000s. To the joy and relief of working parents everywhere, Jell-O produced no-bake desserts in a box. In 15 minutes, any able-bodied person could whip together a chilled dessert.  It was no stellar dessert, in reality, it was just milk and processed sugars along with foil wrapped toppings, but to a typical middle-class family, it was a delight.

I was in the kitchen speaking with mother about some nonsense as she prepared dinner.  Chicken was marinating on the stove in a glass baking dish. It was a long summer day, the sun still radiated through the window and onto the surfaces of the kitchen. On the counter was the glass dish of a no-bake Oreo pie, waiting for its toppings. I eyed it greedily, anticipating the cool sweetness of the treat.

As we were talking, I had picked up the fork that had been used to handle the raw chicken. I fidgeted with it, twirling the handle in my fingers. As the conversation continued–or was it me just complaining— I began circling the prongs of the fork over the creamy Oreo filling.           

My mother spotted me doing this and warned me. The fork was contaminated from the raw chicken and she did not want it getting on the fresh dessert. I scoffed in jest and playfully teased her.

Warning me again, she stated she would have to toss the delicious treat if I was careless with the fork. Some moments passed as an undercurrent of tension built between us. The interaction became a standoff; a gamble of willpower. I suppose I did  not quite believe her or know what she would do. Part of me  wanted to call her bluff.

And by some strange impulse, I decided to lower the fork, the fork coated in raw chicken slime, into the creamy surface of the pie’s cream filling.

In resignation, my frustrated mother paced over and picked up the dessert pan, shoveled the pie filling and crust into the garbage, and then let the empty pan fall  into the kitchen sink. I was left in disbelief, still holding the dirty fork by the counter. A sense of shame and disappointment crept over me for doing such a mindless thing. 

No Oreo instant dessert tonight. Mom went back to preparing dinner.

When I think about this story and what I did I think about what, if any, was my motivation. Why did I want to do it? Finding underlying motivation is an essential part of critical analysis in our behavioral and psychological sciences, criminal investigations, the creative arts and storytelling, and public discourses. We are educated that there is a reason behind action, behind words, etc.

At that time, I really couldn’t determine what I truly wanted from that situation. In retrospect, I don’t think it was to achieve anything directly. It wasn’t for payback or to anger my mother, it wasn’t to illustrate a point, or to ruin dinner.  I had no clear goal. I think I just did it to see what would happen; a perverted curiosity about what reaction I would insight. In essence, I acted upon inauthentic motives.

As I thought more about this, I connected my behavior to common behavior pattern we face in society. I wondered how often this goal of baiting or inciting a negative response is conducting. You’d probably observe with me that it happens quite a lot. We even coined a term for it—trolling. The reasons behind trolling, as well as its definition, are not singular but one motive behind is to merely meant to agitate or disrupt. It is poking the bear. It is seeing how far you can break social mores or norms. It’s done because they can and to see what happens. Often, a troll is triumphant if the other person loses their composure or leaves the argument.

Trolling is a pervasive problem on online communities and social media, but not exclusive to it. It’s even been academically studied for its roll in how we communicate and debate like at the University of Texas).  I see the trend weaponized by both public figures and within personal interactions where there is no desire for a constructive outcome, sometimes the rhetorical positions or stances taken aren’t even believed by the individual making the stance.

 In continuing my search for the more psychological reasonings of why people can have these assertions of inauthentic motives, I focused on reasons behind human disobedience. After all, I disobeyed a simple order. I chose not to put the fork down, in order to see what would happen. I also hypothesized if what I was doing that day with the Oreo dessert was some sort of disjointed and lazy (because I doubt it was out of cleverness or cunning) adolescent attempt at strategic or tactical learning. Meaning, I was performing this act so I could know what to do in similar future instances.  I could stand to reason too, that I did it to feel some control. I stumbled upon some research where investigative reporter Charles Duhigg talks about the connection with making decisions – like disobeying a parent- and feeling in control which leads to self-discipline and self-motivation. He gives a great example with the revamping of Marine basic training and self-motivation through disobedience here.

As an instructor, I think I’ve observed some of this played out in classrooms. Those annoying students who can’t quite do things you ask of them can show moments or real drive and can be very productive if allowed to do it in their way. I can contrast this with the other students who typically need to constant reassurance and need step- by- step instructions.

I suppose this is another weird human tick that is dual in nature, like a double-edged sword. As a writer and thinker, I see it often instigates quite a few problems in how we communicate and how we approach and solve complex situations. There are too many bad actors out there who act to see what happens and lean back to admire the chaos. It troubles me. But if the disobedience and acting for the sake of inciting response leads to a vital way to gain personal development and discover they really can make choices and become self-motivated… Well, we could use more of that.  

I’m unsure which one I was when I didn’t listen to my mother. Was I the troll or the self-motivator? Or a mix of both?  Either way, I still wished I had listened to what my mother asked of me. If I had, I would have had a better memory. A memory of delicious Oreo Instant bake dessert, and my mother would have had one less thing to get irritated about.

Sorry, Mom. 

(Also, thanks for the self-motivation, I guess).